How To: Feel Validated as a Parent

 

  1. Have a 10am appointment at the Drs
  2. Get there 5 minutes early
  3. Toddler goes straight for toys in play area
  4. Sit down next to play area to keep eye on Toddler
  5. 10am comes and goes – Dr is running late
  6. Toddler manages to keep themselves occupied with the toys until about 10.30am
  7. Toddler decides they are now finished playing with the toys and wants to explore
  8. Spend next 10-15 minutes entertaining Toddler and stopping them from leaving waiting room
  9. FINALLY get called into Dr appointment at 10.50am
  10. Walk into Dr’s office and show Toddler new toys
  11. Sit down for 5 minutes and discuss with Dr medical issues
  12. Toddler has finished with toys, now wants to explore drawers and shelves
  13. Spend next 10 minutes wrangling Toddler and talking with Dr re: medical issues
  14. Dr makes a comment “Perhaps a parenting course may help you with Toddler? There is one that has runs in the area and it is designed for the problem and challenging years”
  15. Take deep breath and tell Dr “Thank you, but I think we’re doing ok”
  16. Dr hums and hars and says “Well, he’s a handful – you might just want some extra help in this area”
  17. Explain to Dr that even though Toddler is a handful at times, it is manageable and fine if we take the time to talk and listen to Toddler when we want results (instead of just demanding and expecting them to “obey”)
  18. Dr. still looks doubtful
  19. Thank Dr again for their concern and then turn back to Toddler who is now lying under the Dr’s bed
  20. Dr then says “Well, other children don’t do that – he’s a bit much”
  21. Take deep breath and remind the Dr that Toddler is 2 years old and the appointment was meant to be at 10am – NOT 10.50am. Point out to Dr that Toddler was fine and very well behaved until 10.30am and naturally after waiting for so long, was bored and wanted to get up and move.
  22. Dr. looks uncomfortable, and mutters something about the appointment being over and the mess of toys that Toddler has left
  23. Smile at Dr and thank them for the appointment
  24. Turn to Toddler (who is still under Dr’s bed) and talk to them nicely “Darling, we are finished here now. Can you please pick up the toys and put them away? After that we can get in the car and go home”
  25. Dr silently watches Toddler pick up toy and says “Well, why wasn’t he listening to you before?”
  26. Quickly explain to Dr. (again) that because Toddler was asked nicely to do something – he was happy to listen and do what was asked (not to mention once the toys were away they knew they would be going in the car away from this “boring place”and annoying Dr)
  27. Smile at Dr again and praise Toddler for being a good boy and tidying up the toys
  28. Ask Toddler for their hand – Toddler obliges
  29. Allow Toddler to open the door
  30. Say bye to Dr. and head towards reception
  31. Allow Toddler to hold onto phone while paying for appointment
  32. Pay for appointment
  33. Ask for phone back and to hold Toddlers hand again
  34. Toddler happily holds hand and skips along back to the car
  35. Put Toddler into the car (without any hassles, thank you very much.)
  36. Head home and tell Hubby and Father-in-law what went on with Dr
  37. Both reassure me that I did a good job and that the Dr just doesn’t have a clue in this case
  38. Spend next few days second guessing self each time talking with Toddler
  39. Receive letter in the post from Dr – it is information about parenting course they recommended
  40. Read through information on parenting course and see that it is designed for “Problem children that have behavioural issues and are challenging”
  41. Rip up form and throw in rubbish bin – Toddler is a handful, but does not fit into the examples that were put into information pack
  42. Spend next few days feeling inadequate as a parent – even though things are working and friends and family are saying that Toddler is doing well
  43. Friday comes – it is wiggle and rhyme time at the library
  44. Toddler is in “one of those moods”
  45. Expect to have to chase Toddler around library
  46. Once at the library, explain to Toddler they need to stay in the wiggle and rhyme circle
  47. At times when Toddler wants to leave the circle, ask them “Do you want to go for a walk?” (this is short for “If you don’t stay in the circle – we are going to leave the library and there will be no more wiggle and rhyme time today”)
  48. Toddler listens and shakes their head “No, I stay”
  49. Smile at Toddler and say “There you go, have fun”
  50. Spend rest of wiggle and rhyme time enjoying watching a little boy have fun dancing to music
  51. At end of wiggle and rhyme have a few parents come up and praise Toddler for being a good boy and listening to his Mum (Proud Mummy Moment!)
  52. Also have one parent come up and explain how impressed they are with Toddler and how nice they were to the younger toddlers and babies – at one point in particular: One of the younger toddlers had stood on Toddler’s hand. Toddler stopped moving and waited patiently for the younger toddler to step back off his hand. After younger toddler had moved, Toddler shook hand and carried on. The other parent was impressed with how patient Toddler was and how he didn’t cry or push the younger toddler who had stood on his hand (I had seen this and as soon as Toddler came to me after, had told him that Mummy was so proud of him being nice to the younger toddler and kissed his hand)
  53. After parents disperse, put Toddler into pushchair and leave library
  54. Go into a few shops
  55. Have the shop owners praise Toddler for being good and well behaved
  56. Get told by said shop owners that there had been some nightmare children in before, and it was refreshing to have a well behaved child
  57. Smile and thank shop owners, but point out that other children are probably just as well behaved, but were having an off day today (feel pleased with self for pointing this out and feel for the other Mum)
  58. Go home and remind self that there will always be someone who has a bad opinion on how you do things and there will be good days and bad, but as long as you are happy with how things are going you’re doing fine.

Note: I have changed Dr’s since then and they have a shorter waiting time, see you next if the person before you is more then 5 minutes late (they get your spot). They were also very understanding with Toddler “just being a boy” and told me that even though he is a handful, he is 2 years old and its a stage thing and nothing to worry about. Validation confirmed!

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