How To: Make a Ham and Cheese Bagel

 

  1. Get woken up by Toddler pulling blankets off at 6am “Up Mum! Bottle Please!”
  2. Sit up and have dressing gown handed to you by Toddler
  3. Open bedroom door and have Toddler rush past singing “Bottle!Bottle!Bottle!”
  4. Stumble after Toddler thinking in head “I’m so going to pay you back like this when you’re a teenager…”
  5. Get to kitchen and switch on jug as you pass
  6. Toddler already got bottle out of bottler drawer
  7. Fill bottle up with milk and put in microwave
  8. Toddler grizzles – they wanted to push the buttons
  9. Stop microwave and let Toddler push buttons to start it up again
  10. Start making coffee
  11. Bottle is ready – hand to Toddler, who rushes off to the lounge shouting “Sam! Sam! Sam!”
  12. Finish making coffee and start making breakfast for self and Toddler
  13. Walk into lounge to find Toddler trying to turn TV on (Haha! Success! – no Fireman Sam this morning)
  14. Put Toddler in high chair and give breakfast (Banana cheerios with banana and pear yoghurt)
  15. Sit down in a seat next to them and have own breakfast (Vogels GF Fruit Bread)
  16. Spend breakfast having a chat with Toddler on what is to be done that day
  17. Finish breakfast and clean up Toddler
  18. Go have shower with Toddler playing with bath toys at feet
  19. Get dressed and put a load of washing on
  20. Do the breakfast dishes
  21. Fold the washing from washing basket and put in neat piles on the coffee table to put away later
  22. Hang up next load of washing while Toddler plays with ball and pegs
  23. Congratulate Toddler on being able to open pegs with fingers (been using his mouth until now)
  24. Finish hanging washing, lock the house up and leave for Dr’s appointment
  25. Get to Dr’s and wait for a little bit in the waiting room – Toddler does a funky thing in nappy
  26. Decide to change nappy before going into see the Dr
  27. Change nappy and alert receptionist that you put nappy in the toilet rubbish bin (So that she is aware it might smell and be able to change the bin if she wants to)
  28. Be informed that I have to get it out and take it home with me (Didn’t know that rule, as seen other people put smelly nappies in the bin in there… so must be a new one…they need to put up a sign…)
  29. Get called into Dr’s office – let receptionist know that nappy will be sorted after the appointment
  30. Have Dr’s appointment for CT results – Good news and Bad News – Good news is: NOTHING was shown up, the bad news: NOTHING has shown up. (WHYWHYWHYWHY???!!!!)
  31. Insist to Dr the pain in leg and stomach MUST be something
  32. Dr agrees – refers to a few specialists ($350 per visit)
  33. Inform Dr that specialists need to be associated with health insurance company as can not afford $1,150 at the moment to see three different specialist
  34. Dr suggest also looking into alternative health care
  35. Leave Dr’s office armed with list of specialist to call and a suggested naturopath
  36. Pay at reception, retrieve plastic bag off receptionist – fetch Toddlers nappy out of the rubbish bin (ew)
  37. Put nappy in boot of car (use hand sanitiser)
  38. Go to chemist and get scripts
  39. Go coffee shop for lunch
  40. Got to Post office
  41. Go to local $1 $2 $3 shop
  42. Buy a couple of things for the kitchen to help organise it better and a few things to do with the Toddler (New thick nib colouring pens, flash cards, Play dough and stickers)
  43. Get home, put nappy out of boot in rubbish bin (use hand sanitiser)  and put Toddler in high chair with play dough to keep them busy while on the phone to specialists and health insurance company
  44. Specialists are closed for the day – so leave a messages with them all
  45. Call naturopath – leave message on answer phone
  46. Step in play dough that Toddler has thrown on the floor
  47. Pack play dough away and give Toddler flash cards to play with
  48. Call health insurance company to find out what specialist they will help pay for
  49. While on hold Toddler throws flash cards on the floor
  50. Leave flash cards on floor to pick up later
  51. Give Toddler coloured pens and paper
  52. Toddler colours in for a while and then starts to bite off the nibs of pens
  53. Say “Out of your mouth, Don’t EAT it!” at the same time insurance takes you off hold
  54. Greet cheerful person at other end of the phone and ask them to hold on for a moment while removing pens off Toddler (put pens on bench to clean up later)
  55. Take Toddler out of high chair in ask them to play with toys while Mummy is on the phone
  56. Start talking to cheerful person on other end of the phone
  57. Get put on hold while they check something
  58. Check on Toddler while on hold
  59. Toddler has cleared the coffee table of the clean folded washing (now on the floor in a mixed up heap) and is now zooming his cars off the edge
  60. Roll eyes and decide to deal with it later
  61. Cheerful person at other end of the line comes back and tells more details about cover etc
  62. Ask a few more questions and get put back on hold while it’s being checked
  63. Toddler now in pantry rummaging around
  64. Collect Toddler and close pantry door
  65. Now off hold and talking to cheerful person
  66. Toddler back in pantry knocks cans onto foot – start crying “Ouch! Foot! OUCH!”
  67. Tell cheerful person need to check Toddler and will call back later
  68. Check on Toddler, give hugs and kiss foot – no bruises, but put “Monkey Cream” on to help them feel better
  69. Ring back health insurance company and get cheerful person again (sigh in relief that no need to repeat self)
  70. Toddler in pantry again, but can’t stop them as trying to listen to most important information of call
  71. Hear something like pebbles falling on the floor – turn to find Toddler pouring entire contents of cat food container on floor
  72. Quickly tell Toddler off and apologise to cheerful understanding person on other end of the phone
  73. Finish health insurance call and hang up
  74. Start to clean up different messes – naturopath calls
  75. Enquire about prices – $150 for first consolation, $75 for all others AND $500 for testing (PLUS the cost of unsubsidised medicine that may be prescribed)
  76. Thank them and give a crazy laugh when they ask when is the booking required for…
  77. Choke out a “Thank you, I will call when I’ve checked my diary”
  78. Hang up and stare at phone, trying to think of where on earth the money is to come from for various specialist bills etc
  79. Get an idea
  80. Call back health insurance company – this time put Cars on for Toddler to watch (keeps him out of mischief this time)
  81. Chat on phone and be informed that NO, insurance will not pay for naturopath as they are not a recognised medicine, and also after further investigation, some of the specialist fees may not be coved as need to contact ACC to see what they will pay for, as they covered previous surgeries in this area…
  82. Pull phone away from ear (Oh cheerful person, there was so much hope for you!)
  83. Thank cheerful person and hang up – decide to tackle ACC another day – and to leave naturopath for when lotto is won
  84. Have a look round the house at the mess and decide to leave for after Toddler is in bed
  85. Sit down on couch and have a bit of a cry – need to release stress of phone calls etc
  86. Toddler comes up and sits on knee “You alright? You alright? You alright Mum?”
  87. Give Toddler a cuddle and kiss and say “I’m ok, I just needed a little cry – sometimes that’s what Mummy needs to do”
  88. Toddler gives kiss and hops down “You ok?”
  89. Give Toddler smile “I’m ok, Thank you Buddy”
  90. Sigh and smile at the reminder that you’ve done good with the Toddler
  91. Wonderful Mother-in-law calls then – have a chat with about Dr’s visit, Toddlers mess and the insurance calls
  92. Best Friend calls (who lives 6 hours away) have another chat and catch up with her
  93. While on phone make Spaghetti on toast for Toddlers dinner – feed Toddler
  94. In-between chatting to best friend, talk to Toddler to include them – Toddler enjoying their dinner
  95. Finish phone call and clean up Toddler
  96. Put Toddler in bath
  97. Dress Toddler in PJ’s and put to bed
  98. Come back out into lounge and decide to light the fire
  99. Fire is finally lit after 3 attempts, a cut finger and a box of matches thrown in fireplace in frustration
  100. Walk into kitchen and find Cat sitting on pile of cat food eating their dinner
  101. Decide to leave them to it while you make Ham and Cheese bagel for own dinner – with Kapiti Havati Buttery Cheese, Shaved Ham, Bestfoods Mayo and Anathoth Farm Tomato Relish
  102. Sit down next to fire with Ham and Cheese Bagel for a few minutes break before tackling the washing, flash cards, cat food pile, pens and dishes.

How To: Miss the opportunity to clean up the house without Toddlers “Help”

  1. Eat a Ham and Cheese Bagel.
  2. Toddler wakes up.
  3. Opportunity to clean house alone gone.
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