How To: Have a CT Scan

 

  1. Feed Toddler breakfast
  2. Start to make self breakfast and then realise that it is too late to eat (have to be nil by mouth 4 hours before CT scan)
  3. Abandon breakfast and watch Toddler eat theirs while talking to them about the day planned
  4. Do some chores around the house until Trusty Grandpa comes home to give a lift to the hospital
  5. Drink dye solution provided for CT Scan
  6. Start to feel really ill
  7. Ring CT place to question what can be taken to feel better
  8. Be advised to not drink the next two doses of dye solution – nothing else can be taken until after CT
  9. Check the time and quickly sort Toddlers lunch
  10. Get in the car and leave for the CT scan
  11. Arrive at the CT place and be advised that CT Machine is broken, so must go next door to the main hospital for CT (Trusty Grandpa has taken Toddler for a walk while this is being done)
  12. Get to reception and hand over paperwork
  13. Realise that referral form was left at home
  14. Sign copy of referral form and obtain address to send master copy to
  15. Sit down in waiting room looking at cool painting of butterflies – snap a picture to research artist later
  16. Get called up by technician – get told to remove any clothes with metal pieces and jewellery and shown to a room with basket and robe
  17. Put phone on silent, strip off clothes and put on robe
  18. Spend 5 minutes looking for robes ties
  19. Realise that it is a fancy robe that has ties sewn into it – collect ties and do robe up
  20. Step out of changing room and walk into CT room
  21. Be greeted by Head Technician
  22. Answer questions relating to CT scan
  23. Be advised that because dye was not drunk, need to have a line in the vein to administer dye for the scan
  24. Stand on scales to know what dosage is needed for dye
  25. Be presently surprised to find that since last time being weighed, 15kgs has been lost!
  26. Lie down on bed for CT scan put arm out for drip to be put in
  27. Be warned about side effects of dye and sensations that may occur
  28. Have first two scans without dye
  29. Have dye put into drip
  30. Feel dye go through body
  31. Take deep breaths
  32. Realise in horror that it feels like you have wet the bed
  33. Take more deep breaths and remember that “sensation of wetting oneself” is apart of the side effect list
  34. Hope that you’re not one of the 1 in 1,000,000,000 that has actually “wet oneself”
  35. Next scan is done – feel tightening and heat in chest (another possible side effect)
  36. Feel happy that there is no metallic taste in mouth (yet another side effect)
  37. Finish scan and confirm that no bed wetting has occurred (phew!)
  38. Be informed to stay lying down for 10 minutes to ensure that there is no bad reaction to the dye
  39. While waiting for 10 minutes start having panic attack and a quiet cry
  40. Calm self down and by time technician comes back – everything fine and dandy (can just put it down to making oneself calm in machine, and needing a release of built up emotions)
  41. Sit up and feel a little dizzy take time getting down off bed
  42. Get changed and go to hospital cafe for something to eat as now starving (stop and lean against wall on the way to wait out dizzy spells)
  43. Get to cafe and find only GF food is a bland carrot and kumera salad (of course it is the most expensive)
  44. Order salad to take away
  45. Get back to car to find Trusty Grandpa in passenger seat and Toddler “Driving”
  46. Say hi to both and sit down to eat 2pm brunch – with Toddler sampling carrots and kumera

 

 

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