How To: Book a Dentist Appointment for the Toddler


  1. Enrol Toddler at birth for national free dental service
  2. Be advised that a copy of the birth certificate is needed
  3. Send in copy of birth certificate
  4. Be advised that contact will be made for first appointment when Toddler is one year of age
  5. First Birthday comes and goes
  6. At 18 months ring up free dental service to find out when and where Toddler’s first appointment is
  7. Be advised that copy of birth certificate was not received
  8. Remind them of the date it was sent in
  9. Have it confirmed that they do not have the birth certificate
  10. Obtain address again to send certificate to
  11. Go out and take photocopy of birth certificate
  12. Lose original
  13. Send copy of birth certificate to free dental service (AGAIN)
  14. Ring up a week later to confirm they have received it
  15. Get confirmation over the phone
  16. Request confirmation in writing
  17. Receive confirmation in writing
  18. Be advised that by Toddler’s 2nd Birthday, will be called for an appointment
  19. Ask if an appointment can be made now
  20. Be advised that it can not be made as the right branch needs to call you up
  21. Toddlers 2nd Birthday comes and goes
  22. Ring up free dental service for the hurry along
  23. Be advised someone will call in the next week or two
  24. Time frame has now passed
  25. Call up to make booking
  26. Say Toddlers name – person on other end thinks you said “Chris” (instead of MAX)
  27. Spell out Toddlers name
  28. Tell person Toddlers last name – say the usual phrase for last name (most people get it… With an “E”)
  29. Person at other end ask you to spell it out
  30. Spell it out using proper phonetic alphabet
  31. Person at other end thinks the name starts with “K” (it DOES NOT!)
  32. Finally get the right name through
  33. Be advised that Toddler’s name is not in the system (scream profanities in head)
  34. Aloud, state that you have received written confirmation that Toddler was enrolled
  35. Tell person on the other end Toddler’s NHS number for them to check again
  36. Person at other end says “OH, so it’s Max ….. with an ‘E’ “
  37. Bang phone against head and let out breath
  38. Confirm with person on other end of the line that is correct
  39. Find that the only appointment available is next week early in the morning
  40. Confirm that it is fine (Gees, it wasn’t THAT early – 8.45am)
  41. Confirm Toddlers birthdate
  42. Person on other end of the phone rattles off own address
  43. Confirm that the address is correct
  44. Person on other end of the phone  advises that because of where the address is, Toddler has to go to another dentist location and that an appointment will need to be booked with that branch
  45. Pull phone away from ear (thinking more profanities) and stare at it in disbelief
  46. Take deep breaths and ask to be transferred to that branch
  47. Be advised that the person can not do that
  48. Take more breaths and think more profanities
  49. Ask person on other end of the phone for the number of the correct branch Toddler can be booked into (Through clenched teeth)
  50. Person give number and advises that because it is close to 4pm, they may not answer (called this branch at 3pm)
  51. Curtly thank person on the other end of the line and hang up
  52. Calm self down, check time (3.50pm)
  53. Decide to try one more time
  54. Ring correct branch and have a Lovely Lady answer
  55. Calmly explain to Lovely Lady that Toddler was enrolled at birth, and now that he is 2, he needs his first appointment, and can we please book it for next week if an appointment is available…
  56. Lovely Lady asks for NHS number
  57. Give Lovely Lady NHS number and hold breath
  58. Lovely Lady taps away on the computer “I have an appointment available next week in the afternoon”
  59. Release breath and confirm that time is perfect
  60. Lovely Lady confirms Date, Time and Address of appointment
  61. Thank Lovely Lady with a smile and hang up
  62. Make self a cup of well deserved tea and sit down for cuddles with the Toddler.

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