How To: Collect Library Books when you have a head cold


  1. Wake up with a nasty head cold (progressively got worse over night)
  2. Toddler comes in and says “Up Mum, Breakfast?”
  3. Slowly get up with every muscle aching in your body, a stuffed nose, puffy eyes and a head that feels like a bowling ball balancing on a pin
  4. Make breakfast for Toddler (nuture grain with sliced banana x 2 helpings = Yay!)
  5. Put Fireman Sam on for Toddler
  6. Give Toddler breakfast and make coffee and own breakfast (GF Bagel with homemade honey)
  7. Take pain killers, sit down and eat breakfast
  8. Have shower while trusty Grandpa looks after Toddler
  9. Get dressed and wash windows
  10. Put a load of washing on
  11. Take Toddler outside to play while you sit in the warm sun and watch
  12. Stop Toddler from opening the front gate
  13. Take Toddler back inside for lunch (custard and apricots)
  14. Toddler finishes lunch
  15. Toddler gives you a grin “Mess!”
  16. Toddlers hair has custard in it
  17. Take Toddler to bath
  18. Find that Toddler has clean nappy
  19. Get potty for Toddler to go in pre-bath
  20. Toddler goes in potty
  21. Praise Toddler
  22. Put Toddler in bath
  23. Toddler goes in bath
  24. Ask Trusty Grandpa to keep eye on Toddle while you clean out the potty
  25. Clean out potty, thank Grandpa and finish bathing Toddler
  26. Dress Toddler (Toddler wants to be Fireman Toddler today)
  27. Check emails – 2 library books are in out of the 20 you ordered (the others you’re the 30th on the waiting list)
  28. Decide to go out to library
  29. Pack Toddler in car
  30. Get to library – realise pain pills are starting to wear off
  31. Favourite song comes onto the radio – decide to sing and dance along to it
  32. Turn to Toddler with a smile to goof around with them
  33. Have Toddler shout “NO!” and put his head in his hands (First time I’ve embarrassed Toddler – looking forward to the teenage years :-P)
  34. Get Toddler out of car and into pram
  35. Kneel down to Toddler
  36. Tell Toddler that we’re only going in for a short time and that when I tell him we’re going, he’s to be a good boy and come nicely…
  37. Go into Library, let Toddler loose in childrens area
  38. Read a few books to Toddler – almost lose voice in the process
  39. Tell Toddler that we need to go
  40. Toddler ignores you and wants to sit and rock on the “dodo duck”
  41. Tell Toddler that on the count of three we are going to get off and get back into the pram nicely
  42. Toddler squeals
  43. Quietly remind Toddler we are in the library and you use a quiet inside voice
  44. Count to 3
  45. Toddler gets off dodo duck and walks towards pram
  46. Smile and go to help them get in
  47. Toddler changes direction and decides to ride the other dodo duck (silently scream in head)
  48. Count to 3 again and manage to get Toddler to sit in pram
  49. Do pram belt up and thank Toddler for being a good boy and getting into pram
  50. Go over to reserved shelf to collect books requested
  51. Get to shelf, find not only the TWO books you were expecting but the other EIGHTEEN
  52. Sit there taking the books out of the shelf, stack them on the floor and wonder how on earth you are going to get them back to the car (pram is lightweight one without shopping basket attached like some prams have)
  53. Librarian lady comes over, starts putting away books on shelf and says “Wow, you’ve got a lot of books there”
  54. Smile at librarian and say “Yeah, I was only expecting two! May I please have a hand taking them up to the desk?” (expecting to get them issued and make a few trips back and forth to the car)
  55. Rude Librarian ignores me and walks away to other shelves to stack books (how rude)
  56. Shrug shoulders and put books into two piles – ten into a reusable bag found in small pocket of pram and the others to carry
  57. Sling heavy bag over shoulder and hold books in left arm to balance – push the pram with right hand
  58. Zig zag and stumble to the issuing desk
  59. Get to the desk puffed and out of breath
  60. A different librarian is there to help
  61. She issues books and lets you know there is a new Fireman Sam DVD in, would I like to take it out?
  62. After all that and feeling like crap decide to take the blasted DVD out as once home will only have enough energy to blob
  63. Take DVD out – look at books and sigh
  64. Helpful Liberian offers to help take books to the car
  65. Give Helpful Liberian a smile and thank her for helping out
  66. While walking to the car, helpful librarian says “It’s a shame you don’t have one of those prams with a basket underneath to help when you’re out and about”
  67. Laugh and say “I used to have one of those, but I slipped a disc in my back while taking it out of the car – that’s why I was worried about carrying these books!”
  68. Have helpful librarian look at you in horror and try to take the bag of books off you (you’re at the car now)
  69. Tell Librarian it’s ok, and thank them again for all their help
  70. Put books into the car
  71. Give Fireman Sam DVD to Toddler to hold on way home
  72. Get home and set Toddler up with Fireman Sam and afternoon tea
  73. Make coffee, take more painkillers and blob out
  74. Check computer and find that there was an AOS call out near the library and near home today…
  75. Find out that you missed the one near home when you left to go to the library and the other one when you left library to come home
  76. Think about how close you were on both occasions
  77. Decide that you missed it, so no harm done (both offenders were apprehended)
  78. Blob out on the couch until hubby comes home and cook dinner (chilli con carne – his favourite)
  79. Sit down and eat dinner with the crappiest tasting GF nacho chips, while mulling over the fact that if you didn’t have a head cold, you’d be more freaked about about the too close to home AOS call outs – decide not to over analyse it all as it would only stress you out.


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