How To: Pick Lavender Flowers

 

  1. See Trusty Grandpa trimming the lavender bush
  2. Decide to collect some of the flowers to dry and use for future crafts/gifts etc
  3. Go inside and collect plastic jug from pantry
  4. Come out and start putting flowers into jug
  5. Toddler wants their own jug too
  6. Toddler runs into house to get own jug
  7. Start to follow Toddler and hear a scream from Toddler
  8. Run inside and Toddler is walking out of the kitchen upset
  9. Toddler cries “Mess!”
  10. Pick Toddler up and look in the kitchen
  11. Toddler has some how dropped the large pryrex jug (that is meant to be shatterproof) onto the floor and the glass is now EVERYWHERE
  12. Carry Toddler back into lounge and put on couch
  13. Conduct closer inspection of Toddler to make sure they aren’t hurt
  14. Toddler fine, more upset about the mess that has been made
  15. Calm Toddler down and tell them that they are not in trouble – it was an accident
  16. Toddler still upset “Clean up mess! I help!”
  17. Give Toddler hug and tell them that Mummy will clean up the mess and thank them for offering to help
  18. Toddler wants to ride his bike now
  19. Take Toddler outside and ask Trusty Grandpa to keep an eye on them while shattered glass is being cleaned up
  20. Toddler happily goes outside on his bike and helps Grandpa
  21. Go back inside and pick up broom
  22. Remove wrapping on broom (it is new as Hubby ran over the last one with his car)
  23. Start sweeping glass up into a pile
  24. Pick up everything else on the bottom of the panty and give a thorough rinse – put aside for washing later
  25. Pick up bread maker and sweep under
  26. Discover some cans of food have been put into the bread maker by the Toddler
  27. Put cans away on can shelf
  28. Go to laundry cupboard for brush and shovel
  29. Move pantry door out of the way first (party door came off last night and need to fix it)
  30. Open laundry cupboard and get out brush and shovel
  31. Go to kindling box and collect old newspapers
  32. Sweep shattered glass onto newspapers
  33. Wrap glass up and put into rubbish bin
  34. Pull out vacuum cleaner and vacuum bottom of pantry and rest of kitchen floor
  35. Put vacuum away
  36. Tidy bench and discover a shard of glass
  37. Spend next ten minutes checking other surfaces and pantry shelves for random pieces of glass
  38. Find no more shards
  39. Go back outside to collect lavender flowers with the Toddler – who now has his own plastic jug to put his flowers in
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How To: Wake up in your OWN bed

 

  1. Have a morning out with Toddler at the chemist
  2. Go food shopping with the Toddler
  3. Come home and after lunch decide to do some gardening
  4. Put Toddler to bed at 8.30pm
  5. Scratch that, put Toddler to bed at 9.30pm with a bottle of formula
  6. Stay up until 1am having a little bit of adult time (reading a favourite book you didn’t get to read during the day)
  7. Go to bed
  8. Get woken up by Hubby’s alarm for work at 5am
  9. Have a nice chat with Hubby while he gets ready for work
  10. Listen to Hubby’s car drive off
  11. Lie in bed considering whether to get up or go back to sleep
  12. Toddler wakes up
  13. Get up for the day

How To: Go to the Chemist with the Toddler

 

  1. Wake up in Toddlers bed (because Toddler slept in your bed last night)
  2. Get up and check on Toddler
  3. Toddler still sleeping
  4. Check time – 6am
  5. Toss up between getting ready for the day or going to lay down on Hubby’s side of the bed for a little while – Bed wins
  6. Wake up at 7.30am to Toddler’s smile “Daddy work?”
  7. Answer, “Yes, Daddy’s at work”
  8. Toddler gives kiss and says “Breakfast!”
  9. Get up and follow Toddler to the lounge
  10. Put Sesame Street on for Toddler while making breakfast
  11. Give Toddler bottle and their breakfast
  12. Sit down and read while eating own breakfast
  13. Sesame Street finishes
  14. Toddler turns T.V. off and starts playing with cars
  15. Start smelling something funky
  16. Ask Toddler if they have done poos
  17. Toddler answers “Nope, no poos”
  18. Ask Toddler “Are you sure? Or is it just a very stinky fart?”
  19. Toddler grins and looks so proud of themselves “YEAH!
  20. Check nappy to be extra sure – Toddler was right, it was a very stinky fart.
  21. Trusty Grandpa gets up
  22. Make Coffee for Trusty Grandpa
  23. Have shower while Trusty Grandpa keeps an eye on the Toddler
  24. Get dressed and then dress Toddler in record time
  25. Put a load of washing on then hang it up
  26. Trusty Grandpa gives Toddler a ride around the backyard on the wheelbarrow
  27. Toddler jumps off wheelbarrow and scraps back
  28. Trusty Grandpa calms Toddler down
  29. Put “Magic Cream” on Toddler to help back feel better (antiseptic cream that “sparkles”)
  30. Put Toddler in car – get reminded by Toddler to put seatbelt on
  31. Give Trusty Grandpa a lift to the train station
  32. Carry on to Dr’s appointment for Toddler (Seeing the Dr for other conditions, but might as well get the back checked out too)
  33. Wait in Dr’s waiting room watch Toddler play with the toys
  34. Be amused with Toddler handing the toys out for other patients to hold
  35. Stop Toddler from running up the hallway
  36. Stop Toddler from running out open main doors
  37. Stop Toddler from going behind reception
  38. Stop Toddler from running into the nurses office
  39. Follow Toddler to the scales and watch Toddler weigh themselves (13.4kgs!)
  40. Stop toddler from running out the main doors again
  41. Be called by the Dr for appointment follow Dr into their office carrying Toddler in a fireman’s hold
  42. Be assured by Dr that Toddler is just being a normal Toddler – bumps and bruises etc etc
  43. Leave Dr’s and go to the chemist for scripts given by Dr
  44. Decide to walk from car instead of using stroller
  45. Toddler does a very good job of holding hands and give script over to the chemist
  46. Be advised by chemist it is a 10 minute wait
  47. Toddler says “Dogs?”
  48. Nod to Toddler and say “Yes, we’ll go see the dogs while we’re waiting” (usually go to the pet store next door and have a look around while waiting for scripts)
  49. Go to the pet store and find only one puppy, a bearded dragon, a mouse, a few birds and lots of fish
  50. Walk past the mice section and Toddler is amused to watch a mouse on an exercise wheel
  51. Check time – script will be ready
  52. Tell Toddler need to buy flea and worming treatment for the cat
  53. Walk to counter, one lady being served so wait in line
  54. Toddler decides to lay down on the floor
  55. Other counter opens up – pick Toddler up and walk towards counter
  56. A lady jumps in front and buys dog food and starts asking heaps of questions
  57. Look back to other counter – another person is now in line
  58. Decide to wait in current line
  59. Toddler wants to be put down
  60. Put Toddler down
  61. Toddler runs off to look at the fish
  62. Chase after Toddler and hope that they don’t knock anything off the shelves as they are now being an “plane” with their arms stretched out to the sides (by some miracle they don’t knock anything off!)
  63. Catch up with Toddler as they suddenly change direction
  64. Miss grabbing Toddler by a hairs breath
  65. Toddler has noticed the bearded dragon
  66. Toddler wants to get the bearded dragon out of its cage
  67. Stop Toddler from trying to open the cage
  68. Toddler runs off to other end of the store
  69. Catch up to Toddler again and carry them back to the counters – which now are free!
  70. Sit Toddler on counter and order items needed – Hold Toddler with one hand
  71. Be told the price will be $90!
  72. Ask for a cheeper option
  73. Manage to get the price down to $75…
  74. Start to pay when the cashier asks if you want to join the pet store club – “It will only take 5 minutes”
  75. Look at her with eyebrows raised, take a breath to answer and bite tongue
  76. Decide to just point to Toddler and smile (Toddler is now laying on counter with legs up in the air)
  77. Cashier smiles back – “Are you sure? There are many benefits to having the card…”
  78. Cut the Cashier off and say “Thank you but no. I know you’re just doing your job, but for future reference, most parents that have their hands full with a Toddler… don’t have 5 minutes to fill in forms” Smile again and hold up card ready to pay
  79. Cashier scans items in, pay with card and give bag to Toddler to hold
  80. Walk out door holding firmly onto Toddlers hand
  81. Enter the chemist again to collect script
  82. There is a line of people there – 5 people long
  83. Wait in line with Toddler
  84. Toddler decides to lie down again
  85. Pick Toddler up and nod at the other mothers giving you “The Knowing Smile”
  86. Collect script after much wriggling from the Toddler
  87. Nice chemist gives Toddler their own “card” to hold
  88. Manage to walk out of chemist with Toddler holding hand and not touching things on the shelves

How To: Get Monkey from the footwell

 

  1. Toddler kicks off shoes and socks and throw Monkey down into the footwell to keep them company
  2. Toddler sits in the car quietly until on the motorway in peak hour traffic
  3. Toddler calls out and says “Monkey!”
  4. Look around, spot Monkey in the footwell
  5. Put right hand behind seat and try to pick up Monkey (Grandpa is driving)
  6. Can’t reach Monkey, so try using left hand to pick him up
  7. Somehow wedge thumb somewhere within the seat, bending back the nail
  8. Quickly pull thumb back and put into mouth (it really hurt!)
  9. Pull thumb out of mouth and inspect the damage – no blood but has the start of a bruise
  10. Tell Toddler “Sorry Buddy, you’ll have to wait until we’re home (there is no safe place to pull over)
  11. Toddler gets upset and yells “MONKEY!”
  12. Spend next ten minutes trying to calm and distract Toddler
  13. Stop talking and hope that Toddler will calm themselves down (or fall asleep)
  14. Black Eyed Peas “I got a feeling” comes on the radio
  15. “Let’s do it, let’s do it, let’s do it and do it…” is sung by the Black Eyed Peas
  16. Toddler is still crying – stops for a moment and listens to the radio
  17. Toddler calls out “NO! Don’t do it!” over and over again while the song is on
  18. By the end of the song, able to move car off the motorway and pull over
  19. Get out the car and pick up Monkey
  20. Give Monkey to Toddler and get rewarded by a beaming smile “Monkey”
  21. Carry on driving home with a quiet, content Toddler in the back

 

 

How To: Eat a Free Apple from Countdown

 

  1. Take Toddler to the supermarket
  2. Toddler chooses trolley we will use
  3. Walk into the supermarket and stop next to the “Free Fruit for Kids” basket
  4. Ask Toddler if they want an apple or a banana
  5. Toddler answers “Apple!”
  6. Go to pick up apple and Toddler shakes head
  7. Proceed to point to all the apples in the basket until Toddler says “Yes! Apple!”
  8. Pick up chosen apple and give to Toddler
  9. Toddler peels off the stickers and says “Rubbish!”
  10. Put stickers in the rubbish bin provided
  11. Grab plastic bag to put apple in when Toddler is finished eating apple
  12. Continue through supermarket with Toddler nibbling on the apple
  13. Get to the milk aisle and Toddler drops the apple on the floor
  14. Go to pick the apple up but an old lady whizzes by with her trolley
  15. Old lady kicks apple out from beneath her trolley
  16. A man is coming the other way – he goes over the apple with his trolley and kicks it along
  17. Another trolley comes down the aisle and to Toddlers joy they also kick the apple across the aisle
  18. Apple then lands at the feet of another child
  19. Toddler yells out “APPLE!”
  20. Other child kicks the apple towards us
  21. Pick up apple off the floor and put into plastic bag
  22. Toddler wants apple
  23. Explain to Toddler that they can’t have the apple as it fell on the floor – put it in the main part of the trolley to throw in the bin at the door later
  24. Old man walks past and says “the floor won’t have too many germs on it, let him have the apple”
  25. Try not to roll eyes and explain to old man that the apple not only touched the floor, but other peoples shoes while being kicked from one end of the aisle to the other…
  26. Old man says “So? he’s a boy – he’ll be touching worst things and putting them in his mouth”
  27. Give a laugh and politely thank old man “This may be true, but not when I can do something about it…”
  28. Old man walks off shaking his head
  29. Shake own head and walk to check out, start putting stuff on the counter
  30. Old lady (who initially kicked the apple) is in front and looks at me and the Toddler “You didn’t give that apple back to him? It was on the floor!”
  31. Turn round and sure enough Toddler has some how (in the few seconds it took to turn back to them to put food on the counter) reached into the back of the trolley and not only picked the apple up, but pulled it out of the bag and is now eating it!
  32. Toddler then looks up and smiles “Apple!”
  33. *face palm*
  34. Ask Toddler for apple nicely and put back into plastic bag
  35. Hold onto rubbish apple and re-explain to Toddler the apple is now rubbish because it fell on the floor
  36. Pay for food and throw apple in the bin on the way out
  37. Toddler says “Bye Apple. Rubbish” and nods
  38. Have a little laugh to self, pack car, put Toddler in car seat and head home

 

 

How To: Go Food Shopping with the Toddler

 

  1. Pull up to supermarket and park next to trolley bay (easier at the end of shopping to unload and leave)
  2. Open Door for Toddler and undo their seatbelt
  3. Toddler says “Jump!”
  4. Hold onto Toddler’s hand and say “Woah!” as they jump out of the car
  5. Toddler smiles and says “Yay! Jump!”
  6. Get asked by trolley boy what’s wrong
  7. Reassure trolley boy that everything is ok, it was just a big jump for the Toddler
  8. Say bye to trolley boy and tell Toddler to look for cars – then as no cars, cross the road
  9. Tell Toddler they were so good with holding Mummy’s hand
  10. Walk with Toddler to trolley garage and ask them to pick a trolley
  11. Toddler wants the baby seat trolley
  12. Explain to Toddler that the baby seats need to be left for the little babies – point of the other trolleys that he can pick out
  13. Toddler chooses another trolley and says “RED!”
  14. Notice that the seat belt is red and praise Toddler “Yes! it’s red, well done darling”
  15. Buckle Toddler in and go into the supermarket
  16. Go through the fruit and vegetable area and stop next to the basket that says “Free Fruit for Kids” (this is an awesome idea BTW – well done Countdown!)
  17. Ask Toddler if they would like a Banana, an Apple or a Mandarin
  18. Toddler points to the mandarin and says “MAN! Man-din”
  19. Pick mandarin up, collect a plastic bag for the skin and unwanted pieces and give to Toddler
  20. Toddler tries to open the mandarin but the skin is a bit tough on this one – offer to open instead
  21. Toddler passes mandarin over and you open it for them
  22. Hand it back and Toddler holds onto the mandarin for a while are you go around the supermarket
  23. As going down each aisle, tell Toddler the different things that you need that are on the list – Toddler points out where each item is
  24. Get to the bread aisle and collect burger buns for dinner that night (chicken burgers) and go to the gluten free rack and discover that there are no gluten free burger buns
  25. Decide to grab gluten free wraps and have those instead of a burger
  26. Get to the frozen chicken aisle and discover that there is no gluten free chicken patties or tenders
  27. While searching the freezers for something that you can eat that won’t break the bank, you sense Toddler stand up
  28. Turn round in time to catch Toddler standing up on the seat in the trolley
  29. Toddler looks at you and says “Jump!”
  30. Grab Toddler round the waist and ask them quietly to sit down in the seat
  31. Toddler listens and sits down – says “seat belt?”
  32. Collect seat belt and put it back on – notice that it is broken (plastic is snapped in the clip where it wasn’t before)
  33. Thank Toddler for sitting down when you asked them to and go back to looking for alternative for dinner
  34. Settle on Gluten free chicken nuggets for self and Toddler, and regular Chicken cordon blur (however you spell it – I’m shattered and ready for my bed, spelling is the least of my worries at the moment) for Hubby and Trusty Grandpa
  35. See Toddler trying to get out again
  36. Put chicken boxes in the trolley and start talking to Toddler
  37. Toddler grabbs zip of hoodie and unzips it saying “ZZZZZip”
  38. Praise Toddler “Yes, Zip! Well Done”
  39. Toddler then tries to pull down top and put hand into bra…
  40. Step back and tell Toddler “Nope, there is nothing for you there”
  41. Toddler giggles and zips hoodie back up
  42. Get to check out and wait inline
  43. Toddler sees a box next to the check out with hot wheels cars in it
  44. Toddler wants cars
  45. Consider that they would make a great stocking stuffer IF you can manage to get Toddler not to open them before getting home and IF you can get Toddler to forget that they were in the shopping
  46. Decide to allow Toddler to pick two cars out of the box – Toddler happily picks the cars and puts them on the counter
  47. Cashier helpfully puts the cars into separate bag for Toddler (think to self, that Toddler won’t want to let the bag go now!)
  48. Receipt is printed – Toddler grabs it and puts it into his bag with his cars
  49. Pack the rest of the bags into the trolley and head back to car
  50. Get to car and put the bags into the boot
  51. Close boot and get ready to put Toddler into car
  52. Toddler is upset – you didn’t put HIS bag into the boot with the rest of them
  53. Smile and take Toddlers bag off him and put it into the boot
  54. Lift Toddler out of the trolley and help him put it into the trolley bay
  55. Open car door and let Toddler climb into the car by himself
  56. Help Toddler buckle their seat belt and get into the drivers seat
  57. Call Hubby and ask them to put the oven on, so it’s ready to put dinner in as soon as we get home
  58. Turn the car on, Toddler yells “MUM!”
  59. Turn round and look at Toddler “What’s up Buddy?”
  60. Toddler points to own seat belt (haven’t put it on yet, was just about to) “Seatbelt”
  61. Smile and praise Toddler “Oh! Thank you for reminding me!” (Note: I don’t forget to put my seatbelt on, I always wear it – I’m glad that he’s learnt that it’s a “must-do” when it comes to driving cars)
  62. Get home, close the gates and let Toddler out of the car
  63. Toddler runs right inside (forgetting about his “shopping bag”!)
  64. Grab a handful of bag and walk them inside
  65. Put most of them down and grab Toddlers shopping bag
  66. Peek into the lounge and see Toddler talking to Trusty Grandpa
  67. Sneak down into bedroom with Toddlers shopping bag and hide it in the Christmas stocking box
  68. Smile to self and start cooking dinner

 

 

How To: Get your Toddler to communicate how they hurt themselves

 

  1. Start cooking dinner
  2. Toddler comes up and asks for a hug
  3. Pick Toddler up and show them what you are doing
  4. Explain how things are going in the pot
  5. Give them a tight squeeze and put them down
  6. Toddler runs off into the lounge to play with toys
  7. Continue cooking
  8. Toddler comes in with your floppy summer hat on
  9. Give Toddler hug and tell them how good they look in Mummy’s hat
  10. Toddler goes back into lounge to play with toys
  11. Continue cooking
  12. Toddler comes back in and starts “dancing” (his dancing is mainly spinning around)
  13. Pick Toddler up and do a little dance with him
  14. Put Toddler down and ask him to go into the lounge with Trusty Grandpa
  15. Toddler runs away towards lounge
  16. Start getting ready to pour boiling water out of pasta pot
  17. Hear Toddler cry
  18. Turn round and open arms for a hug with Toddler
  19. Ask Toddler “What happened? Can you show me?”
  20. Toddler lets go and walks to corner of the kitchen and stands next to the shelves near the door to the lounge
  21. Toddler slowly walks up to shelves and in slow motion spins around next to them demonstrating how the knocked their shoulder
  22. Give Toddler another hug and say “Ouch! That would have hurt, well done for showing me!”
  23. Kiss Toddlers shoulder and feel very proud of this excellent exchange of communication
  24. Finish cooking dinner

 

 

How To: Find a “gift”from your Toddler

 

  1. Sit on the couch having breakfast
  2. Toddler hides behind couch and plays with his cars
  3. Toddler comes back and hands you his nappy
  4. Ask Toddler if they need to use the potty
  5. Toddler shakes their head
  6. Toddler points to nappy and says “Wees”
  7. On closer inspection of nappy find that it does indeed have wees in it
  8. Praise Toddler for letting you know
  9. Quickly grab a pull up and put it on Toddler
  10. Take Toddler to wash hands – wash own hands too
  11. Finish breakfast and take dishes into the kitchen
  12. Look out window and realise the guest you were expecting has turned up early
  13. Go find keys and walk to front door to unlock
  14. Find a nice fist sized “gift” sitting on the rug between the back of the couch and front door
  15. Pick up gift with toilet paper and flush down the toilet
  16. Clean up spot where gift was (didn’t leave any additional mess, but just incase)
  17. Wonder how on earth Toddler managed to pass such a decent sized gift…
  18. Open front door and welcome guest
  19. Tell guest you need to change Toddlers nappy
  20. Take Toddler to bedroom to check that area and clean it up better (was actually clean and haven’t discovered any additional “gifts” anywhere since…)
  21. Wash hands and Toddlers hands again for good measure
  22. Offer guest coffee and sit down for a catch up

 

How To: Get a little weeding done in the garden with the Toddler

 

  1. Play outside with the Toddler for a bit
  2. Follow him on his bike around the front of the house
  3. Watch Toddler for a bit and have a quick peek at the garden
  4. Think about it for a sec on where to start
  5. Decide to do a little bit of weeding
  6. Ask Trusty Grandpa to keep an eye on Toddler while you change (current clothes are NOT the type to do some weeding in)
  7. Put on an old dark coloured t-shirt and jean shorts that were bought last Christmas
  8. Notice that the jean shorts are very baggy and almost falling off
  9. Happily note to self that new jean shorts for this summer will need to be bought
  10. Go outside, grab gloves from the garage and put them on
  11. Pick Toddler up (who has been drawing on the house with chalk with Trusty Grandpa’s encouragement – brick house = lots of fun!)
  12. Put Toddler and chalk into wheelbarrow and take them around the front of the house
  13. Set wheelbarrow down and extract Toddler
  14. Encourage Toddler to use chalk on driveway
  15. Toddler decides to use chalk on the fence instead
  16. Shrug shoulders and start weeding front garden
  17. Toddler runs around for a bit and comes over to “help” with the weeding
  18. Point the grass/weeds out to Toddler to pull and continue weeding
  19. Toddler squeals – he has found Mr. Darcy (the cat)
  20. Smile and laugh as the cat eludes Toddler and goes to hide in the lavender bush
  21. Toddler spends next ten minutes looking for Mr. Darcy before giving up
  22. Toddler runs up to a swan plant and starts trying to pull it out
  23. Be thankful that it is a large swan plant and tell Toddler to stop – as it is not a weed
  24. Toddler leaves it alone and goes over to other side of the garden to inspect the neighbours new fence
  25. Toddler picks up something off the ground – it’s a used coffee cup
  26. Call Toddler over and ask them to put it in the wheelbarrow (must have been left by the builders)
  27. Toddler puts it into the wheelbarrow and goes to play with chalk again
  28. Mentally sigh in relief that Toddler didn’t try drinking from the cup and continue weeding
  29. Toddler comes back and puts chalk into Mummy’s pocket for safe keeping
  30. Toddler goes and grabs bike and rides round for a bit
  31. Toddler rides up to lavender bush and finds Mr. Darcy
  32. Toddler manages to catch Mr. Darcy this time
  33. Stop weeding and save Mr. Darcy from Toddler
  34. Toddler climbs into wheelbarrow and sits down
  35. Toddler points ahead and says “PUSH!”
  36. Stand up pick up the wheelbarrow handles and give Toddler a ride around the garden
  37. Take Toddler out – dump weeds onto the garden rubbish heap and throw coffee cup into rubbish bin
  38. Look at the sky and see that its about to rain
  39. Put gloves away and wash hands
  40. Bring in dry washing and coax Toddler back inside
  41. Sit down for some afternoon tea with the Toddler and feel good about getting a little bit of gardening done while spending time with the Toddler 🙂

How To: Pick a Flower

 

  1. Toddler rides round on bike
  2. Toddler rides bike up to lavender bush
  3. Toddler picks a piece of lavender
  4. Toddler gives flower to Mum ” Here you go Mum, in hair”
  5. Put flower in own hair
  6. Toddler picks another flower – puts in his hair
  7. Toddler says “Grandpa flower”
  8. Toddler rides to another side of the lavender bush and picks a flower
  9. “Flower stuck!”
  10. Toddler pulls some more (grunting with the effort)
  11. “Flower stuck Mum!”
  12. Walk towards Toddler to help pick “stuck” flower (must be attached at the root)
  13. Toddler still pulling when suddenly…
  14. Flower comes loose in Toddlers hand and Toddler flies backwards over his bike – landing on his tummy, facing the opposite direction!
  15. Toddler lying on ground with his hands up in the air “Oh Dear! I’m ok, Alright” (crying a little in shock)
  16. Try not to giggle and come to Toddler “Yes, you’re ok – you’re alright”
  17. Pick Toddler up and give a hug
  18. Toddler hops back on bike and rides away (forgetting about Grandpa’s flower)